Why I Feel Cheated By The Irish Education System

Allow me to give you some background information....

In the last 2 weeks I got the results from the Leaving Cert exams I did and offers for college placement. I also got my heart broken and hopes and dreams dashed due to a technicality.

I have always been a person who works as hard as possible to achieve a goal that many would deem difficult and thus, pointless. However, I am the type of person who relishes when faced with challenges and who seeks them out everyday. I would never be happy with an easy life. So that is what I did when it came to choosing what I wanted to do with my future. I spent the last 2 years working hard towards Trinity College, one of the best colleges in the country.

This challenge I created for myself was difficult as I wanted to succeed, but at the same time I have been known to break down under pressure which was something I did not want to do this time. So I spent the last two years struggling to get my grades up to an acceptable level without going crazy. This included me not being as social as I'd have liked, missing out on things, parties, days out, in favour of studying. I even spent the summer after 5th year studying the subjects which I had been doing the worst in. I missed out on a lot.

I don't want to sound like a martyr, I just want people to understand that I am not just some girl moaning because she didn't get exactly what she wanted.

I ended up getting the best score in my year. I got over 500 points, the exact number for the course in question.

But I didn't get the course.

The reason? I was in the lowest group eligable for the course I wanted and their method of choosing the people for it was basically an electronic version of picking names out of a hat.

I did not get what I had spent 2 years working towards because my name didn't come out of the hat.

It hurt. I'm not looking for people to be saying, "Oh poor you!" It's just the way it is. I am hurt because the system in Ireland told me to work so hard for something and then it turned out that it didn't matter how hard I worked for it, it ended up being up to chance.

It wouldn't have hurt as much if I hadn't gotten the points, but the real sting was the fact that I did. I had met the requirements for the course yet I was still let down and I didn't get what I deserved.

So I'm fighting this. I got a course and accepted it, for the moment. People are saying I should be happy with it, especially since I got a scholarship and student grant, but it's not what I want. I am not going to just take this lying down, I'm looking at all my options. My guidence councellor blamed me, and said I would have to change my way of thinking and appreciate what I got since some students got nothing, but that's not right. I am not those students. I didn't do nothing and waste my time over the last few years. I've been working towards college since I started in CTYI and got a taste of the life.

Another thing is I did not enjoy secondary school. No matter what I did, I was always on the outside. I was always awkward and on the edges of things. Now, everyone I know and love is going to be in the centre of town. Most of them will be in Trinity. I will be literally on the edge. In another county. I know everyone makes new friends in college and everything is different, but right now I feel like I'm going to be stuck on the outside again. I've spent so many years like that, I'm sick of it.

I spent secondary school looking at the goal ahead of me. I did not enjoy my time there and was happy for it to pass me by. I don't want college to be the same story. College is not just a way for me to get a job. College is an experience I want to enjoy. And I'm going to do all I can to make that happen in the way I want it to.

No matter what happens after Round 2 of offers, I will be going into the course and option ahead of me with a positive outlook. But I would feel as if I cheated myself if I didn't do all I can to attempt to change it. The education system already screwed me over, I'm not going to do the same to myself. I'm refusing to fail myself.