Red. This font is for all the anger and frustration I currently feel. Why? Why not? Anger is a fundemental part of our lives, we all have to try to learn to accept it and let it be a part of us. Do not let it take us over, but cherish the moments we live without it, and use the ones where we must endure.
Also my hair is kinda red ^^
Frustration. >.<>
i'm not asking for too much. At least I don't think I am. I just want to have what so many other teenagers already have.
And it seems to be SO EASY for them! I don't understand why! They gossip about each other, they fight, they get on each other's nerves-but they're still there for each other at the end of the day!
I try to be nice. And friendly. And actually INTERESTED in what they have to say or any problems that they might have. I take them on board (which, I've found, most people don't do). It doesn't help. It just means it seems like I'm happy to be walked all over.
Well let me tell you something:
I'M NOT /
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
A Day in the Life of Me
Well, we can definitely say that today had its ups and its downs. As anyone who has been reading this knows very well I was back in school at the start of the week. I'm in two minds about all this. Well, to be honest, several;
Mind 1. It's 5th year. TY has completely destroyed my study skills and I am not at all used to doing homework or tests-even worse than normal. Generally, after the summer I feel some small level of relief because of the little amounts of homework, but this year it just seems like such a large amount. It's bizarre!
Mind 2. It's 5th year. That means that the Leaving Cert is next year and I am getting sick and tired of listening to all the teachers going on and on and on and on and on and on (yeah, you get the idea) about how this is "The most important exam you will ever take." Okay, we get it. We've all been thinking the same thing ever since we heard about it.
But honestly, is it?
Yes, getting a place in college or university does have alot to do with getting the required points so you can do the courses that you want to do, but that's only one part of it, really. The interview and your CEO seems to have just as much to do with your placement. Besides, college/uni is only a stepping stone to getting your degree. Surely the final exam you do in college which desides if you are able to get your degree is more important than you Leaving? It makes alot more sense to me.
Everyday is a test. Each one is as important as the last.
Mind 3. There are alot of people who I haven't seen during the summer so it's cool to catch up with all the girls and what they've been up to and all that sort of thing. I don't do that often so I guess it's good.
Mind 4. There are even more people I do not want to see around the place. I don't see why I should spend so much time around people who make me feel uncomfortable.
Mind 5. I've gotten basically all the teachers I wanted and I get to do almost all of the subjects I wanted to do. Which pwns!
But yeah... Back to everything today. That was what I had wanted to talk about.
Well classes were interesting. In many different ways. I don't think I'll ever grow to care Religion class, no matter how the teachers try to teach me. I have too many opinions that aren't really appreciated in a Catholic school.
People are... Gossipy. Bitchy. Back-stabby. Choose whatever word you want, that's how you can describe girls. I miss the summer. There was no drama, no pointless problems that we all create to seem interesting or whatever.
So yeah. Today I have discovered the joy of crying in the rain and not caring.
It looked fine enough out, despite the fact that there were sudden showers all day so I didn't bring my coat or umbrella. I was about 10 minutes away from my house when the heavens opened. It was quite shocking. But oddly calming. I was well and truly drenched. My uniform had changed to black from green. By schoolbag was soaked and so were all mu books. But I felt alone and calm and happy. So I cried. I let go of all the tension and worries that had been in my head and I let them out. I ignored the people giving me odd looks while they scurried home. I took my time. My walk home from school is one of the only times I have to myself when I know there's nothing else I could be doing. It's something I have to do, but in a good way. I can't be studying, I can't be cleaning. I need to walk and I can just let my thoughts wander, relax and listen to my iPod. I had loads of work today. I wasn't going to let the moment pass.
I became incredibly upset for no reason when I arrived home. I guess I was just shocked that I had let so much go. Or something. Maybe I was tired after the hectic week with all the changes going on. Maybe I had been pushing all the things to do with my granddad to the back of my head and I wasn't finished mourning. I know I'm not, but maybe it's more than I thought.
My heads a jumble of French, Irish, maths and about fifty million other things. I guess I'm just trying to sort it all out and gseeing it infront of you really is the best way to do that.
Sorry for the messyness. I promise something more coherient (?) the next time.
Granddad I love you.
Granddad you're gone.
Grandad we miss you.
Don't leave me.
<3
Mind 1. It's 5th year. TY has completely destroyed my study skills and I am not at all used to doing homework or tests-even worse than normal. Generally, after the summer I feel some small level of relief because of the little amounts of homework, but this year it just seems like such a large amount. It's bizarre!
Mind 2. It's 5th year. That means that the Leaving Cert is next year and I am getting sick and tired of listening to all the teachers going on and on and on and on and on and on (yeah, you get the idea) about how this is "The most important exam you will ever take." Okay, we get it. We've all been thinking the same thing ever since we heard about it.
But honestly, is it?
Yes, getting a place in college or university does have alot to do with getting the required points so you can do the courses that you want to do, but that's only one part of it, really. The interview and your CEO seems to have just as much to do with your placement. Besides, college/uni is only a stepping stone to getting your degree. Surely the final exam you do in college which desides if you are able to get your degree is more important than you Leaving? It makes alot more sense to me.
Everyday is a test. Each one is as important as the last.
Mind 3. There are alot of people who I haven't seen during the summer so it's cool to catch up with all the girls and what they've been up to and all that sort of thing. I don't do that often so I guess it's good.
Mind 4. There are even more people I do not want to see around the place. I don't see why I should spend so much time around people who make me feel uncomfortable.
Mind 5. I've gotten basically all the teachers I wanted and I get to do almost all of the subjects I wanted to do. Which pwns!
But yeah... Back to everything today. That was what I had wanted to talk about.
Well classes were interesting. In many different ways. I don't think I'll ever grow to care Religion class, no matter how the teachers try to teach me. I have too many opinions that aren't really appreciated in a Catholic school.
People are... Gossipy. Bitchy. Back-stabby. Choose whatever word you want, that's how you can describe girls. I miss the summer. There was no drama, no pointless problems that we all create to seem interesting or whatever.
So yeah. Today I have discovered the joy of crying in the rain and not caring.
It looked fine enough out, despite the fact that there were sudden showers all day so I didn't bring my coat or umbrella. I was about 10 minutes away from my house when the heavens opened. It was quite shocking. But oddly calming. I was well and truly drenched. My uniform had changed to black from green. By schoolbag was soaked and so were all mu books. But I felt alone and calm and happy. So I cried. I let go of all the tension and worries that had been in my head and I let them out. I ignored the people giving me odd looks while they scurried home. I took my time. My walk home from school is one of the only times I have to myself when I know there's nothing else I could be doing. It's something I have to do, but in a good way. I can't be studying, I can't be cleaning. I need to walk and I can just let my thoughts wander, relax and listen to my iPod. I had loads of work today. I wasn't going to let the moment pass.
I became incredibly upset for no reason when I arrived home. I guess I was just shocked that I had let so much go. Or something. Maybe I was tired after the hectic week with all the changes going on. Maybe I had been pushing all the things to do with my granddad to the back of my head and I wasn't finished mourning. I know I'm not, but maybe it's more than I thought.
My heads a jumble of French, Irish, maths and about fifty million other things. I guess I'm just trying to sort it all out and gseeing it infront of you really is the best way to do that.
Sorry for the messyness. I promise something more coherient (?) the next time.
Granddad I love you.
Granddad you're gone.
Grandad we miss you.
Don't leave me.
<3
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