Expectations

Everyone always says that the run up and excitement to an event is much more fun and exciting than the actual event itself. I think that this depends. It is very true that the run up to things can be great fun, all the planning and talking about it and whatnot. But that is how we make it more exciting. We build it up in our minds. We think of every single possible posibility and it quickly develops into this huge thing, no matter how small it actually is. How many parties have you gone to expecting something great, only to be disappointed by the reality?

Equally though, how many parties have you attended, expected nothing, and had the greatest time of your life?

See that's the thing. We all love spur of the moment stuff and surprises because they can't disappoint us (unless we're the ones planning them of course).

I know some of my best nights have been when I haven't been expecting anything to happen and then everyone is relaxed and all in the same situation and more than happy to just experience the experience.

Perhaps we should be living in the moment more...

I'm saying all this because this has become a year of forward thinking. Everything has been directed towards the CAO in January, the upcoming mocks in February, the practicals in April, the exams in June, the results in August and next year when all of this will just be a horrible memory. All of the teachers keep emphasising the exams and what is yet to come and how important they are and how they will change our lives forever and...

Really they're making it out to be a much bigger deal than it actually is.

Yes, the exams are important. Believe me, I'll be the first person to admit that, but they are not the be all and end all, as people keep telling me. There are other ways to get on in life. Not every person who succeeded in the real world did well at school or tests. All these really are are memory tests.

I've been keeping up. Certain grades are improving. I'm moving steady. And now I'm calm and quite happy about that. I'm not looking to June. I'm looking at this week and what challenges I can tackle this week. What I can achieve this week.

6th year is pretty horrible, but it isn't all bad. For the first time ever I feel even slightly accepted in school, which is a miracle and achievement in itself. I'm getting on a bit better with people and not feeling as panicky or socially awkward, which is always a nice feeling.

Maybe this is the way I should try live my life. Not planning too far ahead. Just taking things as they come.